why

Why must we be human..i understand the concept of changing and growing from your experiances but sometimes those experiances change your life.. in ways that are not good. you don't know what to do and you never feel like you have the strengh to over come your trial. The lord is amazing and i know that what people have said about trusting in him and asking him for his help, and that he can help you over come anything. but i myself have not really experianced that.. and i feel like i never will. i am struggling so bad! making really stupid mistakes! i don't understand why. or what is making me do this. its dumb and i know its dumb. i just can't stop. i DON'T GET IT! i want to be the most amazing person with a great friends to surround me.. but i need to stop thinking about other people for a small moment in order to figure myself out. i need to understand what i need to do to fix this. its not something small... its going to take me a while to get over it.but i do think i can. I believe i can do anything. but i alway try.. and then fail. and getting back up is a lot harder then it sounds. i want to be able to have amazing self control and be able to control my body and have it work with my spirit. but sometimes i feel like my body is controling me. i don't understand why. i feel numb. strange. and confused. this is a huge time in my life and not exactly the most conveniant time for this to happen. i feel like i should be doing so many other things then to be working on this.. i should be going on dates, meeting people, having the time of my life. not trying to fix stupid inner problems. i am sure there are other people who feel this way. but i promise i wont give up. there is no way i am going to live the rest of my life like this! i am not happy. and i want so bad to be happy and to feel loved by someone.