Sadness

Sometimes i just want to cry, i don't really understand why. my heart hurts and i feel like the world stops turning.everything hurts, i don't understand why, everything today has gone right, there is nothing to be sad about. I know this week will be very hard and that i will probably fall apart many times. crying helps me let go, it takes away the stress of life and makes me feel a lot better. but i can't cry right now.. it just wont come out. Hate is all around us, the world is getting so wicked and sad. Even though i live in a small bubble, satan is still hard at work trying to take us away from our happiness and the gospel. am i sad that i have fallen into one of satans trap. is that the sadness i feel? i am starting to escape and hope that happiness with come along with it. i can fake a smile and have fun with my friends.. but really inside i am sad. if others new.. what would they say? would they call me a hypocrite? would they laugh at me? i just dont get it.. i feel like a heavy rock is sitting on my back.. i want it gone so so bad. its sin. and i know if i truly repent it can go away, and thats what i am going to do. even though it will be hard and i am scared for the journey ahead. i know that at the end it will be so worth it.Sometimes i just want to cry, i don't really understand why. my heart hurts and i feel like the world stops turning.everything hurts,but I am scared to cry, but i don't know why,the tears in my eyes will calm the pain, but the feeling i feel is just the same, its everywhere i look and never fades. and i hope tomorrow will be a better day, with the sun shinning and clouds in the sky i still ask myself why? why do we have to feel this pain from inside, that tears us up and hurts so much. i have been told the pain is to help us grow, it may not seem right but our heavenly father knows, he knows whats best and that i am never alone. His son, christ, will never leave me, he has once felt the pain i have inside. He bleed and died so that we could once be free. His pain and suffering on calvery. I know i am not perfect and have many falts, but just once i wish i could understand. i am longing for that joy that come when the end in near and the journey is through. when i can truly feel the saviors approveal in everything i do.